Well, I’ve put on 12 pounds worth of Mars Bars Slices and Peanut Butter Porcupines – and just in time for the holiday season! That can only mean one thing. Bazaar-o-Rama is coming to a close for another year. I’m just as sad as you are, dear reader. The only thing getting me through is my new Kleenex holder (see below).

I’ll be back next year, but stay tuned for Caker Christmas, my annual holiday party where I invite Italians to make mangiacake dishes, like casseroles, JELL-O and anything beige. It’s always a tasty evening. In my eyes, anyway. I’ll post all the dishes, for better or worse, on Monday, December 23.

Until then, check out what I scored on my final church bazaar round-up!

Dish Soap Dress

Never underestimate a craftswoman’s ability to take something ordinary like a dish soap bottle and add that touch of style and sophistication we all need while scrubbing dried bits of chicken fingers from the baking sheet. I also find wearing purple rubber gloves with feather cuffs and listening to Julie Andrews helps take things to new levels of domestic rapture. This was five dollars, Palmolive included.

Ginger Balls

I might need a new prescription for my eyeglasses, but these don’t look like no balls to me. And trust me – I’ve seen numerous ginger balls in my time. As to how these tasted, they were soft and chewy with some serious molasses undertones. To the two men reading this blog, if your acorns look like this, please seek immediate medical attention. These were two dollars.

If someone tries to flatten your balls with a fork, run.

Knit Kleenex Carrier

The sign next to these read, “Great for your purse, briefcase and backpack.” Sadly, I gave away my pleather briefcase back in the ‘90s along with my double-breasted suit and Rolodex, but I still use Kleenex. The artist who made this was behind the table and brought out a huge pile for me to choose the colour I wanted. That’s the kind of customer service sadly missing these days. This was two dollars.

In case there are any doubts, the packet of Kleenex was included.

Fudge

I was almost through the month of Bazaar-o-Rama before realizing I hadn’t had any fudge. No wonder I was getting the sweats. Fudge withdrawal is nothing to laugh at. Lucky for me, I came across this bake table. The fudge was packaged just the way I like – in an aluminum pie plate with a paper doily. Fudge deserves nothing less. This was one dollar.

Bag o’ Bags

Let’s face it – everyone has a plastic bag crammed with a million other plastic bags in their home. Mine was hooked over the doorknob. It looked like a deformed snowball and every time company came over, I’d have to hide it in shame. But I’m not feeling no shame no more with this handmade bag o’ bags. Now all my No Frills bags are kept stylishly neat and out of sight. This was two dollars.

If anyone needs a No Frills bag, I have 1,457 of them.

Old-Timey Cocktail Shaker

Back in the day, people used to drink a lot more than they do now. Take I Love Lucy, for example. I’m convinced Ethel was pounding back the margaritas behind closed doors. Although can you blame her, being married to Fred? This cocktail shaker has recipes printed on it, including a Tom Collins. But I’m more of a Joan Collins kind of guy. This was two dollars.

Beets

As a general bazaar rule, I never pass up buying things I like to eat but never make. Like cabbage rolls, chicken pot pies and jarred beets. Being an aspiring hand model, I can’t afford to get my fingers stained. But if someone else wants to walk around with crimson hands for a month, who am I to stop them? These were delicious and, best of all, they were only three dollars. Mason jar included.

Knit Slippers

Spoiler alert! If you’re on my Christmas list this year, chances are you’ll be getting a pair of these handmade knit slippers I purchased at a seniors centre bazaar. Just look at the rainbow of colours, not to mention more pompoms than you’d find at a cheerleader competition. And they were only five dollars a pair! But let’s keep that to ourselves. In certain gift-giving circles, I’m known as a cheapskate and I wouldn’t like to perpetuate that myth.

Spray the bottoms with Pledge and polish your floors while you dance.

And that’s a wrap! Thanks for joining me on my bazaar journey. Start saving those loonies and we’ll see you next year for Bazaar-o-Rama 2020. Until then, keep warm. And fashion-forward.