Another week, another round-up of church bazaar treasures! What did I find this past Saturday on my travels? Read on, dear reader.

Also! I was on the radio this past week, talking about bazaars. I guess it was a slow news week. Check out my interview on CBC Radio’s Here & Now!

Toilet Paper Cover

Look, we’ve all been there. You’re in the bathroom at a holiday party and you’ve already gone through an entire roll of toilet paper and there’s not another roll in sight. You have no choice but to open the door a crack and shout at someone to PLEASE GET MORE TP!!! Save your guests from embarrassment this holiday season by keeping an extra roll on the toilet tank, kept stylishly encased in a knit hat. I couldn’t pass this up, especially when the lady behind the table said the toilet paper was included. Unfortunately, she didn’t mention it was 1-ply, but I still consider this a good deal for two dollars.

If only someone could knit a cover for the plunger, too.

Added bonus: it also doubles as a hat for your dog.

She hates modelling so I had to bribe her with a baby carrot.

Mystery Shapes

I can’t even call these squares, because they’re anything but square. They’re boulders. It’s almost as if the baker put a stick of dynamite in her 9 x 13 pan, blew the damn thing up, collected all the pieces and put them on a red paper plate. These didn’t even have a name, which only further adds to the mystery. As to what they were, they had vanilla Oreos in them and were delicious. So I hereby christen these as “Oreo Rocks.” These were one dollar.

Santa Snow Globe

I have a soft spot for snow globes, especially when they’re in need of some TLC. In this case, a little water. Right now, it looks like Santa is drowning. Which is a disturbing visual for kids, especially at this time of year. This was one dollar.

I suppose this could be a statement piece about global warming.

Tea Bums

You may have heard of tea biscuits or tea buns, but have you ever heard of tea bums? Not me. And while everyone has a slip of the hand, I can confirm all the labels read “bums” not “buns.” Not only that, they were three hundred dollars! Good lord, I thought to myself. For that price, these must have European chocolate chips in them. Anyway, I managed to haggle the cost down to three dollars. As to how they tasted, these were the best tasting bums I’ve ever had.

If you’re going to charge $300, at least throw an adjective in there.

Felt Elf Hat Thingies

“Do you know what these are for?” I asked the lady behind the table. “Beats me,” she shrugged. “Maybe they’re for bottles?” I said I thought they were napkin holders. But I think she was right. These were two dollars, but when the lady looked at the price, she said, “I can’t charge you that much. Give me a dollar.” Bazaars are the only place where they lower the price when the customer is willing to pay full price. This is not a good business model.

Apologies for not photographing these on bottles of Blue Nun. I drank it all.

Bran Muffin

If there’s one food on offer at every bazaar, it’s the legendary bran muffin. While not the most exciting member of the muffin family, the bran muffin is high in fibre and there’s nothing exciting about irregularity. Besides, bran muffins always get a bad rap. Sure, that cranberry-lemon number might be hogging all the attention, but that doesn’t mean you can’t employ a few simple tips to make yourself stand out. Never underestimate what a sprinkling of sugar can do. This was one dollar.

This was obviously made by a Martha Stewartson-type.

Egg Cosy

“What’s this?” I asked the lady behind the table. “An egg cosy,” she said. “You put it over your hardboiled egg to keep it warm.” Then she leaned in and whispered, “It’s just a joke.” A friend of mine pointed out that a man could also use this to keep his own pair of eggs warm, if you catch my drift. Although I think a belt of some kind would need to be involved. Or an elastic. I’ll try some things out and report back. Wish me luck. The cosy was one dollar and worth it because I will never, ever have to suffer through eating a cold, hardboiled egg again.

I don’t own an egg cup so I had to use a shot glass. Obviously I need to get one now.

And that’s a wrap for this week! Come back for the next - and sadly, last - instalment of Bazaar-o-Rama 2019. Stay tuned for more bazaar shenanigans.