It’s been another exciting bazaar adventure of shopping, eating and making new senior friends. Here’s what I scored this week.

Week 2

Noel Latch Hook Rug

Few things say “Welcome carollers!” more than a holiday-themed latch hook rug on your doorstep. Being the artistic type, I’ve been known to do a few latch hook rugs in my day. A couple of years ago, I commissioned both of my sisters to make me a latch hook rug for my birthday. One of them did. The other one didn’t. Guess who I’m going to bequeath this rug to – and the rest of my bazaar treasures – in the event of my untimely demise? This was four dollars.

“Harold, the neighbours are dressed like Charles Dickens characters again. Don’t answer the door.”

Florida salt and pepper set

I don’t think anything screams “I WENT TO FLORIDA BITCHES!” more than an orange-shaped salt and pepper shaker set and sugar bowl, do you? This set is obviously reserved for those special occasions when you want to impress your guests with how much of a world traveller you are. There’s something mildly disturbing about those eyes, though. Are you seeing H.R. Pufnstuf, too? This set was two dollars.

They’re watching you. They’re always watching you.

Peanut Butter Porcupine

I’ve been around the corn syrup block a few times, but I aren’t never heard of Peanut Butter Porcupines. These confused me. I’m not really sure where the “porcupine” part comes in. I mean, they’re made with Corn Flakes. Maybe if they were made with Rice Krispies. Or broken up bits of toothpicks. Then again, bazaar baking doesn’t always make sense. Speaking of cents, these were 50.

This is giving me a beige, bumpy dog turd vibe.

Santa Toilet Seat Cover

Hey! Who’s that spying on me? Santa, you naughty boy! LOL! Granted, I was a little bothered about buying a toilet seat cover at a bazaar. But it seemed to be in good condition. Aside from the beard being a bit yellowed. Er, on second thought . . .

Santa, you show up in the weirdest places. Honest to God.

Most people do this when they see my derriere.

Ms. Hathaway Ornament

A little-known fact: The Beverly Hillbillies once came out with a line of Christmas ornaments. People could buy replicas of Granny’s dentures, Jethro’s tiny brain or Elly May’s pigtail to hang from the tree. Needless to say, the line wasn’t successful. But imagine my surprise when I came across the long-sought-after (mainly by lesbian secretaries) Ms. Hathaway ornament! And it was only 25 cents. Mr. Drysdale would approve.

Mars Bar Slices

I posted the recipe for these when I did my Dollar Dollar Store Chocolate Bar Taste Test. The squares are made with butter, melted Mars Bars and Rice Krispies. I could sense the woman struggling with the wording on the label. I mean, they’re not “slices,” they’re “squares.” But I guess writing “Mars Bar Squares” was too weird for her? Or “Mars Bar Bars?” Anyway, they were delicious, and I had no issue eating them because no hand-rolling was involved. These were two dollars.

Milk Bone Ornament

Folks, the human imagination knows no limits. When one person sees an ordinary dog treat, another person says, “Let’s glue some pieces of felt to it.” I won’t be giving this to my dog as she’s allergic to felt. And googly eyes. This was two dollars.

My holiday wish is that everyone gets a good bone this holiday season.

Knit Hat

Knit tables at bazaars can sometimes be depressing because they’re piled high with stuff that no one is buying. A lone elderly woman was sitting behind the table at a bazaar and looked a bit sad. So I walked over, picked up this hat and asked her how much it cost. She said, “Five dollars.” I said I’d take it, but she insisted I try it on first. When I put it on, she beamed at me and said, “It’s perfect. You see? I made it just for you.” And that, my friends, is the real reason I go to bazaars.

If you see someone in the chip aisle at No Frills wearing this, it’s me.

What will I find next week? God only knows! And considering these are church bazaars, I suppose that’s a true statement. Come back next week for a new round up.

HEY! I was on CBC Radio’s Here and Now talking about bazaars. Check out the interview!