I’ve put on five pounds worth of leftover Tootsie Rolls and it’s dark by 2pm. That can only mean it’s November and time for Bazaar-o-Rama, my annual tour of holiday church bazaars. You know, I’ve been doing Bazaar-o-Rama since 2012. Why, you ask? Well, I’m cheap. But there’s so much joy to be found at bazaars: baking, knit slippers, Petro Canada 1984 Olympic stemware, not to mention all the new senior friends I’ve made along the way. (Shout-out to Irene! I’ll see you for coffee in the food court this Wednesday afternoon! And don’t eat all the date squares, girlfriend! LOL!)

Throughout the month, I’ll post the treasures I find on my travels. Buckle up, friends, because it’s a bazaar world. And it’s about to get a lot more bazaarer.

Week 1

Seashell Sculpture

Every now and then I come across a work of art so magnificent, so breathtaking, it feels like I’m seeing the Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus for the first time. Personally, I don’t what this is, or what the artistic intention might have been, or why the mermaid has no hands or why the seashells have glitter or why it lights up because is this a lamp?!? But who are we to question art? Our only job is to appreciate, wonder and reflect. And I reflected a lot over this. Especially since it was only four dollars.

If only this played the theme song to the little mermaid.

Peanut Butter Balls

I’m always reluctant to buy ball-shaped baking at bazaars because of the hand-rolling thing. There’s no way to gauge people’s cleanliness. How do I know they washed their hands? Anyway, I bought these Peanut Butter Balls, although the presentation was a little lacklustre. Can’t you either toss in a few more balls or get a smaller container? And nice try, but stickers aren’t going to obstruct the view. In terms of how they tasted, they were okay.. These were three dollars. I’ve paid less for bigger balls.

Chip n’ Dip Set

If I had friends, I’d invite them over so they could ogle at my new chip n’ dip set. I would fill it only with Ruffles (obviously) and Lipton Onion soup mix and sour cream dip (obviously). We’d eat the chips in my wood-panelled basement, laugh at all the uncool people we know, and then I’d ask everyone what VHS tape they wanted to watch. This might explain why I have no friends. This was three dollars.

Pizza

If you go to an Italian bazaar, chances are good you’ll find people playing tombola and eating pizza. It doesn’t matter if it’s 9am. Italians eat pizza at any time of the day. So when I went to this bazaar and saw they were serving pizza at 10am, I thought, “Well, when in Rome…” This slice was $3.25 and kicked the shit out of Shreddies.

Pottery Set

I thought this might be worth a lot of money. It’s a teapot, a creamer, four cups and saucers, and a set of salt and pepper shakers. (Truth be told, I’m not sure why there are salt and pepper shakers. Who peppers their coffee?) Anyway, the set was only nine dollars! Why nine, you ask? I never ask questions at bazaars. I snapped it up and contacted a friend who is an Antique Roadshow type. “How much could I get for this?” I asked. She said, “At least 13 bucks.” So I’m already four bucks ahead.

Pantyhose Santa Head Wall Hanging

You’re looking a real, hand-crafted pantyhose head. And here I thought they became extinct in the ‘70s, along with giant wooden fork and spoon wall hangings. I just hope it’s not haunted. I always seem to end up with possessed dolls. It’s an unfortunate gift. I may need to buy some holy water at the next church bazaar. Incredibly, this was just one dollar.

Hand Duster

No, this doesn’t dust your hands. (And if your hands are dusty, you’ve got bigger problems, my friend.) You put it on like a glove, crank up the Color Me Badd and dust the hell out of everything. So long, Swiffer! Dusting was never so much fun. Or glamorous. This was $3.50.

What will I find next week? Check back November 18 for another bazaar round-up!