After a four-year hiatus, 2023 marked the return of my annual Caker Christmas party. It’s been a tradition – for better or worse – for about 25 years. I invite my Italian in-laws and friends to bring a mangiacake dish. Think Cool Whip, cream of mushroom soup and Jell-O. Here are the highlights from this year. Or lowlights, depending on your perspective.

Bertha’s Nuts and Bolts

I found this recipe in one of my church cookbooks. Handwritten recipes inside of cookbooks are usually a good sign. Also, how could anyone resist a recipe called Bertha’s Nuts and Bolts?

I couldn’t find Bugles. Is there a shortage I’m not aware of? So, I substituted goldfish, which worked well. I also used Corn Chex instead of Shreddies. It was delicious. I hope Bertha approves.

Santa Cheeseball

A cheeseball made to look like Santa Claus.

I also made this Santa cheeseball. The beard is made with whipped cream cheese and his hat is a red pepper. I don’t mean to gloat, but this is more than a cheeseball: It’s art.

Chips and Onion Soup Mix Dip

I also served chips with sour cream and onion soup mix dip. If I had a last meal, this would be it. Mix and let the dip sit in the fridge for at least 24 hours before serving. You need to rehydrate those onions.

Double Cheeseburger Ring

For my entrée, I served a double cheeseburger ring made with Bisquick, ground beef, cream of mushroom soup and cheddar cheese. It kept breaking when I tried to form it into a ring. So instead, it’s a cheeseburger horseshoe. Or a giant cheeseburger worm. I tried to hide it under the fries. One guest described the taste as “chalky.” Italians are picky about their food.

Hot Hearty Golden Puff

This Hot Hearty Golden Puff was made with Velveeta and saltines. The cook also added corn and ham. There was a sprinkling of pepper on top. Many cakers might consider this too much seasoning. We’re a bland bunch.

Sweet Potato Casserole

This is a sweet potato casserole, complete with marshmallows. The cook had the canned yams brought over from the States. That’s how serious people are about the authenticity of their caker dishes. Bonus points for presentation.

Chicken Cobbler Casserole

This chicken cobbler casserole was made with Bisquick. The chef informed us that she added a layer of mozzarella cheese on top. I have a feeling she was trying to hide something. Bonus points for the dented tin foil pan.

Macaroni Chicken Casserole

This macaroni chicken casserole won best tasting dish of the night. The cook who made it was both pleased and disturbed by this honour.

Creamy Chicken and Rice Casserole

It’s not Caker Christmas unless there’s a casserole topped with potato chips. This was another chicken casserole, only made with rice. It was running neck-and-neck for the best tasting dish of the night. Things got pretty tense for a while.

All together now…

A plate of food with spoonfuls of different casseroles.

Here’s everything on one plate! Honestly, I can’t tell you what’s what. It’s all just a blur of beige.

Caker Trifle

For dessert, a guest brought what she called a caker trifle made with Cool Whip, cookies, and cherry pie filling, and served in a Compliments brand cookie tin. And, she said, you can use the tin afterwards as a sewing kit.

Mom’s “Christmas Fingers”

There’s nothing more rewarding than finding a recipe that speaks your name and then customizing it to make it uniquely your own. This recipe for Mom’s “Christmas Fingers” piqued my interest.

Here’s my twist on them. I used red pistachio shells as fingernails. People were disturbed. Someone said this was more Halloween than Christmas. That said, everyone agreed that mom’s fingers were tasty.

Kitty Litter Cake

A cake in a cake pan that's make to look like kitty litter with Tootsie Rolls shaped like cat turds.

More disturbing to guests, though, was my kitty litter cake. It’s made with two kinds of cake, pudding, and cookie crumbs. But really, the Tootsie Rolls are the star of the show. You’re supposed to put it in a kitty litter box and serve it with a kitty litter scoop, but even I have my limits.

And that’s a wrap. Santa is looking like how I was feeling by the end of the night. I’ve got a fridge full of congealed leftovers I need to get started on.

Season’s Eatings! And if you want to dive deeper into the wacky world of caker cuisine, visit my blog, Caker Cooking, which features over 250 tried-and-true classic caker recipes.