Summer means family picnics. Think of all those special moments, like playing lawn darts (“Jimmy, watch out for grandma’s eyes!”) or cleaning bird poop off picnic tables or wondering if that was a watermelon seed you just ate or a fly.

And let’s not forget about the food! In my family, you can always count on someone bringing a potato salad. (Or, as my mom called it, “pah-day-dah” salad.) Creamy and chunky, potato salad is the classic accompaniment to split hot dogs, charred hamburgers, and lukewarm beer. But if you’re short on time – and potatoes – can you find a good store-bought brand?

I brought seven brands of potato salad to a recent family picnic to determine the worst and best. I kept the brand names a secret. I also added in a homemade version from one of my community cookbooks but didn’t tell anyone.

An assortment of Tupperware containers. — I used every piece of Tupperware in my house for this taste test.

Which salad was a spud? And which was a dud? And did anyone lose an eye? Read on to find out!

1. Longo’s $9.99

This only came in a large tub. I don’t like committing to something if I’m not sure it’ll be worth my time – and my waistline. In any case, the Longo’s brand looked gourmet, mainly because the skin was still on the potatoes. Which we all know is a gimmick because leaving the skin on doesn’t make you fancier; it just makes you lazier.

Tasting notes: While some of my family appreciated the crunchiness of the celery, and my niece found it “zesty,” the consensus was that this potato salad was longo on looks but shorto on flavour. “It’s missing something,” my nephew said. And I was missing $9.99 from my wallet.

Verdict: Drop this like a hot potato.

2. Summer Fresh $11.49

A container of Summer Fresh Potato Salad.

And here I thought the Longo’s brand was expensive! Like its predecessor, Summer Fresh potatoes still had the skin. But it also had dill pickles. Would this addition give it a competitive edge?

Tasting notes: Overall, feedback was positive with most of my family enjoying the pickle punchiness. Some also noted the texture of the potatoes which were nicely cooked. Still, my one sister didn’t care for it. “The taste is too sharp,” she said. In terms of flavour, I found there was a lot happening, but I enjoyed it even if I wasn’t always sure what was going on. Like an episode of The Young and the Restless.

Verdict: Dillicious

3. Reser’s $4.49

Reser’s faired well in my macaroni salad taste test a couple of years ago. So, my expectations were high. Would their potato salad pass muster(d)?

Tasting notes: My nephew said the taste was okay, but he wanted bigger potato chunks. My one sister thought it tasted too much like Miracle Whip. (How is that a problem, I wondered?) My niece thought the texture was too whipped. I thought it was a bit bland, but I felt like it knew it had a job to do and did it. In a half-assed kind of way.

Verdict: Stick to the macaroni.

4. Ziggy’s $5.99

This was the first brand that came to mind for my potato salad taste test. Not because Ziggy’s is the best. It’s just the brand I think of for deli stuff, like cheese, smoked kielbasa and neon green coleslaw.

Tasting notes: Ziggy’s tanked. Tasters found it too sweet, too mushy, and too whipped. The texture reminded me of that paste you made as a kid with flour and water for 3-D geographical maps. Even though I wasn’t supposed to, I always ate the paste. And then I got constipated. Because I had a paste mountain inside me.

Verdict: This little Ziggy needs to go back to market.

5. Homemade

I got this recipe from a 1986 cookbook from my hometown of Sarnia, Ontario. And if people know potato salad, it’s Sarnians. But I was a little confused by Vanessa’s recipe. It’s called Baked Potato Salad, but she didn’t say whether to bake the potatoes or not. (I boiled mine.) The recipe also said to mix the first four ingredients, but I only counted three. Then she’s missing the cheese and breadcrumbs in the instructions. Vanessa, if you’re reading this, can you please clarify?

Tasting notes: (Vanessa, you might want to skip over this part.) First, my nephew said it tasted like egg salad. Then my niece said she was put off by the colour. Then my one sister was critical of the uneven potato pieces (which were LOVINGLY CUT BY HAND). And for the final knife wound, my other sister said it tasted like fast food potato salad. THE IRONY. I think they all knew I made this salad and were just out to get me. Personally, I thought it tasted okay, but I could’ve done without the cheese.

Verdict: I sniffed a conspiracy. And a waft of eggs.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: According to informed sources, this is actually a “Baked” Potato Salad, not a “Baked Potato” Salad. Meaning, you pop it into the oven. This would explain the breadcrumbs and cheese, but the recipe doesn’t say to bake it. So now I’m even more confused. Vanessa, can you help a fellow Sarnian out?

6. Selection $4.99

This is Metro’s house brand. I’ve pretty much lost all faith in house brands by this point in time, thanks to my previous taste tests. But even the smallest seed of faith is mightier than the biggest tater tot of doubt. (I’m going to copyright that.)

Tasting notes: While most of my tasters felt this salad fell flat – my nephew and sister deemed it the worst – my Miracle Whip-hating sister finally found her creamy spot. She loved this one because she thought it tasted the most like mayo. Others found the mayo overpowering. I thought it was too oniony.

Verdict: Only one Francis would be making this selection again.

7. Omy! $3.47

I got this brand at Walmart. I wasn’t sure if I’m supposed to pronounce it “Oh my!” As in, “Oh my, this potato salad is divine!” Or am I supposed to pronounce it as Amy only with an O? As in, “Omy, could you please pass the potato salad?”

Tasting notes: A piece of this potato salad slipped down my sister’s cleavage during the tasting. I think it was trying to escape judgment. Aside from that bit of excitement, Omy! was a spud dud. Tasters found it dry, too heavy on the Miracle Whip, and too mushy. I also found it too sweet.

Verdict: More like Ono!

8. Compliments $4.69

A container of Compliments Potato Salad.

Here we go again with the store brands. Compliments is Sobey’s house brand, and to be honest, I haven’t given it too many compliments over the past few taste tests.

Tasting notes: My nephew liked the chunkiness of the potatoes, my sister felt it had too much of a mustard taste, my niece said it tasted like eggs and – surprise – my other sister said it had too much mayo. I thought it was okay. Not the best. Not the worst. Which is what my mother often said about me in terms of her children.

Verdict: The nicest compliment I can give is “not terrible.”

While there wasn’t a clear-cut winner, three of my family members picked Summer Fresh, so I’m going to declare it the potato salad champ. In terms of the worst, I have no other choice but to say it was mine. (I’m not letting Vanessa take the blame for this.) For store-bought brands, I’d steer clear of Omy!

I hope you enjoy a family picnic or two this summer – and that pah-day-dah salad is on the menu.